So, you're going through a breakup. You're in the thick of heartache and it can feel never-ending. But, rest assured: this too shall pass. But, how long will it take for your post-breakup blues to lose their grip on you? If you're looking for specifics, you've come to the right place.
A statement that's often bandied around is that it takes half the duration of the relationship to get over it. But, is that actually true? We've read the research to get the answers to the burning question: how long does it take to get over a breakup?
It could take three months to feel better
A 2023 study by researchers at the University of Washington examined the recovery period of individuals who experienced a single breakup. The study observed participants over a two-year period and found that people going through breakups experienced a temporary increase in depressive symptoms, which returned to pre-breakup levels after three months.
Self-esteem may take one year to recover
Breakups can do a number on our self-esteem. Processing feelings of rejection can make us question our self-worth, our value as a partner, even our appearance. But, it's important to challenge these thoughts — feelings aren't facts! It's normal for your self-esteem to take a hit in the midst of a breakup, but crucially, it should not be a permanent state. (If it does continue post-breakup, it could help to speak to a therapist.)
A 2017 University of Bern study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that going through a breakup can decrease self-esteem, but after one year, self-esteem levels in participants levelled out.
Four years until they're just someone you used to know
Carrie Bradshaw, patron saint of heartbreak, once said, "If you love someone and you break up, where does the love go?" Good question, Carrie.
Right now, you're likely wrapping your head around the idea of no longer seeing this person everyday. It's like losing a dear friend. But, one day, you'll be able to look back at your ex simply as someone who was once a part of your life. (If you're keen on staying friends after you break up, it will take time and effort.)
A 2025 study from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign found that for the average person, it takes 4.18 years for attachment bonds to fade away. "People’s former partners simply become someone they used to know," authors Jia Y. Chong and R. Chris Fraley found.
A psychotherapist's perspective on breakup timelines
We know what the research tells us, but what do therapists think based on their experience of talking to patients?
Naomi Magnus, psychotherapist at North London Therapy, says there is no fixed timeline for getting over a breakup. "Your emotional recovery will depend on the length and depth of the relationship, how well you cope in stressful situations, and the support network around you," she tells Mashable.
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Magnus adds that many people report gradual improvement over weeks or months, but that processing grief fully could take six months or longer. "It's normal to experience waves of sadness, anger, or longing," she says. "To heal, you need to process these emotions, look after yourself well, socialise with people who love and support you, and reflect on the relationship. It's not easy, but always remember the heartache won't last forever."
Were you the dumper or the dumpee?
How quickly you bounce back from a breakup can also depend on whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, says therapist Jonathan Eddie, a member of British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
Other factors that can impact recovery time, he tells Mashable, include: "Do you feel relatively secure aside from the relationship? Do you carry psychological wounds from your past that were triggered by the separation? How traumatic was the split? What history did you have together? How badly were your dreams dashed? Were dependants or property involved?"
Can heartbreak last longer than one year?
Eddie says that the ending of a relationship can cause grief that's not unlike the death of a loved one. "Just like bereavement, there’s no set timeframe for processing," he says. "Hopefully, with the benefit of time and new experiences, the intensity will lesson and perhaps even vanish all together."
“I guess if I was to rely on my experience to put a number on it, I’d say anything up to a year is a reasonable length of time to recover from a breakup," Eddie adds. "If it was to drag on too much beyond that, or if it was to impact on the ability to move forwards in life, then it could be a really healing experience to work alongside a trained therapist."
If you need more advice on getting over a breakup, check out Mashable's guide to moving on after a relationship ends.
