Courtesy of Ashley Archambault
- I was 26 when I had my son, and I didn't realize how important it was to have mom friends.I tried to make some at first, but when nothing stuck, I sort of gave up.Then, a good friend of mine had a child, and I saw the benefits of being friends with other parents.
When my son was born, I was 26. I was a new mom, and not only did none of my good friends have kids yet, but they also didn't live close by. I didn't have anyone my own age to talk to about all of the mom things that would come up. Every time I needed parenting advice, I called my aunt, and she was patient with me.
But talking to my aunt was not the same as talking to someone going through parenting milestones at the same time. She had her son 10 years prior to me having mine. Often, she didn't remember what she had done in any given situation, and she would tell me I needed to "try to make some mom friends."
When my son was born, I tried to make mom friends at first
I went to story times at the library, popular playgrounds, and local swim lessons for moms and babies, but I never hit it off with anyone. Many of the moms were older and married, and I felt like I was in a different territory as a younger single mom.
After a year of failed attempts, I stopped trying so hard. That's when one of my good friends had a son, and we slowly became closer over the shared experience of being a boy mom.
We had been good friends in college and ever since, but becoming moms at around the same time took our friendship to a new level. I think we each care a lot about being a good parent, and that brings even more mutual respect into the relationship. I've found it so helpful at times to put our brains together and break down different parenting issues with her.
My son is now almost 12, while her three boys are all younger. My son's whole life, I've given them the clothes and toys he outgrows. It's really special when I recognize them wearing something like one of his old shirts. It feels like we're all more connected.
Courtesy of Ashley Archambault
I didn't realize how many benefits there were to being friends with other moms
I went on for the first three years of my son's life without any other friends who were also parents. Before then, I envisioned the main benefit as being someone to talk to about your kids. However, being friends with someone who recognizes me as the person I am, not just as a mom, is actually the greatest benefit of having friends who are also mothers.
Now that I've experienced the support that comes with being friends with other moms, I'm really sad that I missed out on that when my son was at his youngest. Being a new mom, I felt totally isolated. It would have been really helpful to have more allies, and to cheer each other on.
Having friends who are also moms and understand how all-encompassing it can be helps me feel understood and makes me feel connected to myself again. My friends and I have also made a habit of checking in on each other, because we just…get it.
I have individual relationships with a few moms now who are close friends. Besides them all being in my wedding, I mostly spend time with each of them separately. I love that with any one of them, we can hang out with our kids, which is our preference, or do something together kids-free, like go out for coffee. Either way, I'm sure we're talking about our kids half of the time.
I had told myself it wasn't important to be friends with other parents
During the years I was navigating parenthood alone, I had honestly given up on the idea of finding any mom friends. I had family and child-free friends, and told myself I didn't need anything else. But once I experienced bonding with another mom, I realized just how valuable it is to find someone who understands that experience.
I believe being a parent is the most important job I'll ever have. Finding such a good friend in someone who feels the same way has actually made me even better at it, because I no longer feel alone. It feels like I'm part of a team that just wants to do a really good job at being a mom.
