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- I always thought I would be strict about screen time as a parent. Then I had kids.Despite some initial rules, my busy workload led to increased screen usage for my kids.I realized I needed to address my own relationship with screens to model good behavior.
From the moment we become parents, we create a list of things we will teach our child and things that will be a strict no. I intended to be strict on junk food consumption, social media exposure, and sleepovers with friends and more lenient on letting them make new friends, and choosing their own things.
Drawing upon the experience of other parents who struggle with their kids over devices, screen time topped my "off-limits" list. It was something that I was sure I wouldn't back down on.
Little did I realize at the time, children pick up on what parents do, not what they hear us tell them.
We started strong
Parents have been told over and over again that excessive screen use is proven to significantly hinder a child's mental growth. Like many, I was determined to minimize it for my kids.
My husband and I did not buy them their own devices, and we limited access to streaming services, other children's gadgets, and even our own phones and laptops as much as we could.
Still, there were days when vigilance slipped, and the kids spent hours watching YouTube or playing online games. On those days, guilt weighed heavily on me for breaking my own rules.
Courtesy of Ariba Mobin
Life happened, and screen time started to take its toll
Eventually, we gave in and bought them their own tablets when they were around 6 and 9. We set timers on the devices and explained clear rules about daily screen use. At first, they cooperated. But as my workload increased and a new baby arrived, I struggled to enforce consistency.
My husband's long hours at work left even more responsibility on me. Soon, I noticed both my boys (then ages 7 and 10) showing signs of aggression. Their behavior mirrored the characters they played with in games. They also showed anger when we took away their devices, and I knew the effects of too much screen time were beginning to show.
I began counseling them on healthy habits, but the advice didn't stick. One day, we went to a park for some much-needed outdoor play. Instead of running to the swings, they sat down, pulled out their tablets from their backpacks, and started gaming. Furious, I asked them to put the devices away and reminded them why we were there. My younger son looked at me and said, "But Mama, that's what you do all the time, too. Aren't you always on your phone?"
That was a wake-up call. He was right. I spent long hours on my phone, scrolling social media and watching shows for entertainment. With work, chores, and three children, I often felt I deserved the distraction. But sometimes I wasn't even pausing during meals. My own habit was setting a poor example for my kids.
The realization forced me to shift my focus to my own use of screens
Instead of only policing my children's use, I had to curtail my own. The shift was harder than I expected. After several failed attempts to put my phone away, I decided to take small steps.
First, I noticed I used my phone to distract myself from work. A task that should have taken half an hour stretched into two hours. The guilt that followed made me more stressed. To change this, I began leaving my phone in another room while working. The distance helped me focus.
I also started using my phone's built-in features to track my screen time. They gave me a clear picture of how much time I wasted scrolling. Once I saw the numbers daily, I felt motivated to cut back.
Meals were my next focus. I decided to put my phone away completely and encourage family conversations at the dinner table. Work could wait. The change felt refreshing, and my children responded positively once they got over the initial pain of not being able to bring their devices to the dinner table.
I even discussed my struggles with screen use with my kids. I admitted openly that I was trying to break the habit because it was harming me and us as a family. I think that honesty made them more open to change, too.
I have achieved a better balance between work, life, and leisure
Almost a year later, I can say I have transformed my relationship with screens. I don't binge-watch as many shows, and my social media use is limited to certain times of the day. My children, in turn, have started to cut down on their own screen time. While we are still not at the level I want, the progress still feels like a win.
