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- We asked an etiquette expert about the common mistakes people make when discussing money.She said inquiring about how much something costs may come off as intrusive and judgmental.It's also important to avoid having these types of conversations in a public setting.
From asking how much someone spent on their vacation to making offhand comments about a friend's salary, people make plenty of etiquette mistakes when talking about money with loved ones.
However, that doesn't mean money should be a topic that's off-limits altogether.
That's why Business Insider spoke with etiquette coach Mariah Grumet Humbert about the biggest mistakes people make when talking about this sensitive topic. Here's what she said.
Criticizing others for spending money on hobbies
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When you criticize someone for spending money on hobbies, it can seem like you're dismissing things that bring them joy.
Because everyone values different things in life, Grumet Humbert said it's important to remember that what seems frivolous to one person might be deeply meaningful to someone else.
Whether it's a personal collection of items or an expensive hobby, how someone chooses to spend their money is not anyone else's business.
Asking how much a big purchase costs
Another common mistake is asking someone how much they spent on something, whether it's a wedding, a new house, a car, or a luxurious vacation. It's best to avoid these questions, as they can come across as judgmental.
"Basic etiquette is that we don't want to ask somebody how much they spent on something, even if it's your family member," Grumet Humbert told BI.
Instead of asking someone how much they spent on an item or experience, she suggests coming from a place of genuine interest and kindness.
She said a more thoughtful approach might be to say something like, "That vacation looked incredible. I hope you had a great time."
Discussing salary details
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It's generally considered poor etiquette to ask someone how much money they make.
"The only time that a salary conversation is appropriate is if you're fighting for equal pay in the workplace, or you're having that private conversation with your team, or HR department," Grumet Humbert said.
Keeping salary discussions out of casual conversations helps maintain respect, avoid comparisons, and prevent unnecessary tension.
Failing to properly communicate when it comes to splitting costs
When it comes to shared financial situations, like buying a group gift or dining out, a common mistake is failing to communicate upfront about how the costs will be divided.
For example, buying a gift and asking everyone to chip in without discussing a budget or payment method ahead of time can catch others off guard.
The same applies to dining at restaurants. That's why it's important to decide at the start whether you'll split the check evenly or if you'll each pay your share.
According to Grumet Humbert, there's nothing wrong with either option, as long as everyone has set the expectations in the beginning and any misunderstandings have been cleared up.
Bringing up money in the wrong setting
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Financial conversations with family and friends are sometimes necessary, but according to Grumet Humbert, discussing them at the wrong time can lead to embarrassment or conflict.
For example, she said it's best to avoid bringing up financial concerns during a big gathering, where you risk airing someone's personal issues in front of others.
It's important to set aside a specific time to sit down with them privately and voice your concerns in a calm, non-judgmental way.
Focusing on finding a solution rather than placing blame also helps keep the conversation productive and supportive.
