Courtesy of the author
- Working from home all summer with five kids at home was exhausting.On the first day of school, I was called because one of my kids had an ear infection.The mental load of kids going back to school is never-ending.
11:29 A.M. That's the exact time my phone rang on the first day of school. It was the school nurse. My child had been "back to school" after a long summer break for precisely two hours and 29 minutes before he needed me again. He had an ear infection, and his ear was draining fluid. "I'll be right there," I heard my cheery mom voice telling the nurse.
Inside, of course, I died a little.
Some parents look forward to summer break with their kids, eager to recreate their own joyful summer days at the pool or amusement park, in front yard sprinklers, or fireside with lightning bugs. I love those things too. What I don't love, and why I dread the season from the previous fall onward, is navigating working from home with five kids, three of whom are home all day in the summer, in addition to being their seasonal Director of Fun.
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Since the first day of school phone call, I have counted another four times the school has called, all with good reason, since that day two weeks ago. It's time for a 504 meeting. You never signed the medication document at the nurse's station. And most recently, my second son's phone call was due to a concussion that meant heading to the ER from the playground. How is this happening?
The mental load just got heavier
Beyond the medical issues, there is an onslaught of additional organizational tasks and app notifications between extracurriculars and academics.
Three kids in school, times one activity each (I have some limits), times three different schools' communication systems makes nine separate apps dinging through my workday. Some are precious — my first grader reading the class news. Some are trying or even upsetting — a new parent signature behavior plan, and I'd better make sure I check every Thursday evening, or they don't get extra recess. Others are redundantly frustrating — messaging teachers that yes, I do want you to let my kid go to the bathroom even if he's asked twice that day.
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For the most part, we've come to expect each of these back-to-school parenting tasks, but they hit differently coming off a summer that pushes us to the brink of exhaustion and desperation emotionally, physically, and even financially. Summer is wrought with pressure to make those magical days matter (after all, Instagram reminds us every day we only get 18 summers — make them count).
Meanwhile, we have to keep our jobs afloat while kids text us that it's time for the pool hours, before the workday has ended. Cue all the mom guilt about how I'll never be able to give them a classic 1990s summer like I had.
Just as back to school is hard for parents, it's tough on kids going from those leisurely screen and pool days to the 8-hour slog — and we are supposed to be extra emotionally available to their "adjustment period." So I need to keep those elaborate snack plates coming, and keep questions about who they sat with on their bus, if they like their teacher, and when the first quiz is, and if they have to wear gym shoes every day to a minimum.
It starts early and never stops
Even preschool and day care make it seem like my full time job is managing their calendars and activities. Can't forget the paperwork for the aquarium field trip, I have to mark our calendars ahead of time for that Halloween party where parents show up for a five-minute window to clap for the costume parade — and I need to dress up. And definitely don't forget to mark the holiday calendars (five months ahead) and grab a slot to bring a snack (no allergens or dyes, please.)
But hey, it was my decision to have kids, so shouldn't I have expected this? Not really, to be honest. I expected to have some slow reading time on the front porch in those last summery-fall evenings with my kids while they checked out their new library books. To take a few walks with them after those snack plates to hear where their friends went this summer, and what shoes are in style, and why everyone's yelling "Six, Seeeven" on the bus. And mostly, to finally have some relief from the daily pressures of doing my own job and the Director of Fun's job this summer. But instead, I'd better buck up and answer those notifications — and get my phone off silent during work calls because, oh, hey, the school's calling again.
