作者在约会经历中发现，许多男性似乎有倾诉内心痛苦的倾向，即使作者并非专业心理咨询师。这种现象在湾区约会中尤为突出，男士们常在轻松的交谈中突然分享深埋多年的情感创伤，甚至包括自杀企图和精神病院的经历。这让作者总结出三点：自己不擅长闲聊；大多数男性不习惯被真诚关心，容易情绪爆发；以及男性普遍存在情感困境。文章旨在探讨社会对男性的忽视和虐待如何影响他们的幸福感及亲密关系，并向未曾经历过这些对话的人解释这种现象。

🌟 **约会中的情感倾诉现象**：作者在与多位男士约会时，发现自己常成为他们倾诉情感创伤的对象，即使在轻松的咖啡馆环境中。这种意外的“伪治疗”经历让作者意识到，许多男性习惯性地在特定情境下释放长期压抑的情绪，这似乎与他们不习惯被真诚关心有关。

💡 **男性情感困境的社会根源**：文章深入探讨了这种普遍现象背后可能存在的社会性因素，包括社会对男性情感表达的忽视、以及可能存在的不同形式的虐待或疏忽。作者认为，这些外部因素可能导致男性在情感上难以健康发展，并对其幸福感和亲密关系产生负面影响。

📈 **湾区约会文化的观察**：作者以湾区约会经历为例，指出了这种现象在该地区的突出性。通过对约会中男性的行为模式和情感反应的细致观察，文章试图揭示一种更广泛的社会问题，即男性在情感表达和心理健康方面可能面临的挑战，以及这些挑战如何影响他们的社交互动和人际关系。

Finalist #8 in the Review Contest

[This is one of the finalists in the 2025 review contest, written by an ACX reader who will remain anonymous until after voting is done. I’ll be posting about one of these a week for several months. When you’ve read them all, I’ll ask you to vote for a favorite, so remember which ones you liked]

I. The Men Are Not Alright

Sometimes I’m convinced there’s a note taped to my back that says, “PLEASE SPILL YOUR SOUL UPON THIS WOMAN.” I am not a therapist, nor in any way certified to deal with emotional distress, yet my presence seems to cause people to regurgitate their traumas.

This quirk of mine becomes especially obvious when dating. Many of my dates turn into pseudo-therapy sessions, with men sharing emotional traumas they’ve kept bottled up for years. One moment I’m learning about his cat named Daisy, and then half a latte later, I’m hearing a detailed account of his third suicide attempt, complete with a critique of the food in the psychiatric ward.

This repeated pattern in my dating life has taught me three things:

I am terrible at small talk. Most men are not accustomed to genuine questions about their well-being, and will often respond with a desperate upwelling of emotion. The men are not alright.

This is a review of dating men in the Bay Area. But more than that, it’s an attempt to explain those unofficial therapy sessions to people who never get to hear them. It’s a review of the various forms of neglect and abuse society inflicts upon men, and the inevitable consequences to their happiness and romantic partnerships.

https://www.astralcodexten.com/p/your-review-dating-men-in-the-bay